Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21


I meet loads of new people at my job. Being Texans, they ask personal questions about me, which I sometimes answer and always promptly return the favor. The following is one I get asked a lot. Sometimes by people who know me, sometimes by strangers looking for a hook up. There are probably a lot of reasons why a person might ask this question, but the answer is always the same.


Question: Why don't you (or haven't you) have (had) a boyfriend? Where's your man?


Answer: I don't have a boyfriend, and haven't had one yet, because its not the right timing. That's my best answer.


Here goes for my reasoning:
First off, in spite of the occasional rejection of men offering to fill that position, I am not a man hater. I really, really like guys. Guys are awesome. How can you not enjoy men? How could you hate all the strong, fun loving, laughter inducing, challenge your heart, lead the way, care deeply, spirit of a guy? I truly can't. Which is why I take time to talk to guys, get to know their perspective, encourage all those wonderful chivalrous moments, acknowledge their gentlemanly attitudes and behaviors. I like guys. Rejecting them is hard. Even when the guy you are rejecting is not in your standards.


Yes, I have standards. And, yes, they are high. But they aren't unattainable. Trust me, every single standard I have has been examined, prayed over, sought for in real live men to be sure it's real, prayed over, searched for in God's Word, and, have I mentioned prayed over? I'm not marrying just any guy. So, if I get to know a man and he isn't in line with the standards, I'm not going to play around with his head or heart. Remember, I like guys and I don't want to hurt them.


Lets see the standards. I'm looking for a man who:
1. Loves Christ. He better love Christ more than he loves me. I want a man who is so passionately in love with his Saviour that every day he shows some aspect of who God is, and some days, Christ is all he can talk about. Sometimes that's all I want to talk about, the amazing grace of God. I want days with my man to be like heaven; all we do is live for God's glory, speak of how worthy He is, praising Him together. (Mark 12:30, Revelation 19, Titus 2:6-8)
2. Has joy, real joy, without me. I may fail him some days. He's got to be ready to love me, a girl saved by the grace of God, yet commits sin daily, is occasionally depressive, and hard to put up with. That is going to be desperately arduous some days. He will need to be strong to withstand the illogical mess I can be. (Colossians 2:10, Ephesians 5:25)
3. Isn't Mr. Perfect, but is humble enough to admit God's work in his life, changing him. And who wants to include me in that, and wants to exhort and challenge me to be more Christ-like. Please, don't have it all together. Just be real. (Romans 3:23; 5:1-8; 8:29-31)
4. Wants to be a provider. Strives for the greatness God made him for, in whatever position Christ has placed him in. Pursues. Leads. (Philippians 3:8-14, I Corinthians 11:3)
5. Smiles. God really had the best idea when He gave men smiles. First thing I notice in a guy: how handsome they are when they've got that genuine, teeth showing, happiness inducing grin on their face. Brilliant. Do it more. (Okay, nothing Biblical, merely a personal thing.)
6. Doesn't play video games. Seriously. (Again, entirely personal.)


That's six. Maybe there will be more, but if there are, it's because I can see that in a man I meet and think, “That is wonderful; Christ can do that in a guy, create this characteristic and manifest it clearly. I want that in my husband.” I don't think it is, but this list could be intimidating or far reaching. I am of the notion that I want to intimidate any guy who doesn't live up to these standards. Why would I want to lower my standards to date and marry someone below par till death do us part? I'm not looking for prince charming, but I am looking not settling. Marriage is too important to me to be frivolous with; it's going to be hard and he is going to need to be a man, to hold to Christ, and to smile when there is nothing to smile about.


If I don't hate men and haven't made outlandish notions in my head that basically evicts all men outright, then why haven't I dated, or had a boyfriend yet? Two reasons: he isn't ready, and/or I am not ready. I know for sure that God has been preparing me for something. I know I couldn't have gone through college and entrusted my soul to my Saviour during that time if I had a boyfriend to distract me with romance. I know I couldn't have done Korea the way I did it if I had been longing for a boy back home. I know God wouldn't have grown me the way He has if my focus had been on a man. And I know in my heart that God is preparing me for relationships in my life. The past year alone I have learned/am learning lessons like:


How to be cheerful even when you're doing something you don't want to do.
How to trust God. And then trust Him some more. And then trust Him again. Every day.
Know myself. Know what I believe, what I want, what I like, what I don't like, being okay with me.
Perseverance in fighting for joy during moments when I don't know what is going on and want to fall into a pit of darkness. I guess that sentence was a bit dramatic.
Placing all my hope in Christ. ALL.
Doing hard things with everything I have in exchange for nothing. Christians give everything for nothing, just like Christ. Not everything for a blessing, everything for love, regardless of what that person gives back or doesn't give back.
Looking for and counting God's blessings in my life. This may seem like a contradiction to the last sentence, but, even though you give everything without the motivation of a blessing, you know God is going to pour out blessings. I've got to look for them, daily.
Patience in the waiting. Life is waiting, and patience is a development out of life.


I'm still learning. God is teaching me a great deal about Himself. Those lessons above... they will be implemented in friendship, in dating, in marriage. When I'm ready, when my man is ready, God will bring us together. At exactly the right moment in time. BOOM... fireworks exploding in our eyes, time standing still, all that jazz. And we'll be ready. My man and I will be prepared by our Maker to glorify Him in marriage.


I don't need to spend this prep time dating a lot of guys to find out what I like. I know what I like. I need to spend it getting to know God, learning to glorify Him now, experiencing the good and wonderful things God has for me now. I am so looking forward to marriage, to loving a man fully, to cradling my own babies and caring for our children. God has my man picked out already, all I have to do is wait. That is hard, but at the end, it's going to be amazing. I only need one, and he's worth my waiting. I want to be worth it for him, I want to be the girl who is counted by him to be far above rubies. So while I wait I'm going to worship God and learn constantly and work out my salvation with fear and trembling. Singleness is not a waste of time.


Why prepare? Because marriage, at the very core, it is designed by God to bring glory to Himself by mirroring Christ and the church. Husbands love their wives as Christ loves the church, His bride: self sacrificially. Wives, in return, are to respect and submit to their husbands authority, just like the church submits to Christ. This only works if God is making the two people to be more like Himself, to better mirror Him through their marriage.


Maybe some people say, “what if you wait your whole life, and never get married?” Yeah, I've thought that too. That question pops into my brain far more than is necessary for someone so young, with a lot of lifetime ahead of her. And every time I am faced with this question, I have to resolve it in this manner; waiting is hope. I have so much to look forward to either way, if I get married or if I don't. I have marriage to look forward to, like this great big surprise party in the midst of life. I have Christ to look forward to, this more-wonderful-than-anything-you-could-imagine-surprise-party at any moment of my life. Christ could come back before I go on a date. Gasp. That would be perfect, my hope would be fulfilled. I could live this long life, fall in love, get married, raise six lovely children, and die to be with Christ. Perfect, hope fulfilled. I could go on, millions of possibilities. Either way, I am looking forward to LIFE. And that is all due to Christ, for saving me from a terror far greater than I could imagine, to a hope more beautiful than I can grasp. Glory be to Him.


I know there is a man who is just as fantastic as my expectations and beyond, and I am so excited to meet you, get to know you, and love you. Until then, I pray for you daily, that God would be working within your soul to make you more like your Saviour, that He would be preparing you completely. I pray that each day we are not together, you would be falling more in love with Christ. I pray God would give you strength for this day, faith for the journey, a hope for your future. Smile, you're handsome.


God's timing will be perfect. I can wait.